Final Goodbye
by Errol's Feather
Summary: Mac's last words to Stella before his death.


**_Authors Note : _**This story came to my mind as well I've been having a grey day, so I though I share it. For those of you that should be sensitive of the material, please do not read.

_**DISCLAIMER**_**:** I don't own CSI: NY and I don't make any money from it

**_Warning: _**Suicide.

_**Final goodbye**_

_My dearest Stella, my darling star. I write to you on the final stage of life. I really wanted to go on, but I can't seem to find anything that can keep me going. After you left something inside me changed and it is safe to say that things never became the same._

_I thought it would all work out just fine with your replacement as she is an outstanding woman, yet she is nothing compared to you. I miss having you here, and working with you._

_I didn't realize how I felt about you and us until you were gone, and by then it was too late. I wanted to tell you so many times when we talked on the phone, but I never could bring me to it. I didn't want to wreck the friendship that we had. It is something truly special._

_Sadly in time we two as well started to drift apart, and I cannot say how sorry I am for that. I really wish I never let that happened, mostly because of how it made me feel when we did lose the contact we once had._

_You need to love that I love you. Maybe I always have, I just didn't see it before it was too late maybe I did. Mostly I think that can be because you are the best friend I've ever had and I didn't see the two of us dating. Looking back I wish I had the guts to ask you out, as I could have pictured you as my wife._

_Wife, I had one, but that as you know did not end happy, maybe that is why I doubted on telling you this. Maybe I was afraid I would lose you if you knew how I really felt._

_The only thing I do know is that I cannot go on, I can no lover live without you by my side, it is simply too hard. I hope that you one day will forgive my actions, and I do wish you all well for the future._

_I love you with all my heart._

_Your detective Mac Taylor._

* * *

He sighed as he put the letter aside, he didn't want to do this, but he didn't see another choice. He missed her so much it drove him insane. Her laughter, her smile, how she walked and talked. How she acted around him.

He could feel the tears pressing, but he did refuse to cry.

"Goodbye, my dazzling star," he said, before he swallowed enough poison to kill him.

It was Flack that found him the next morning. He was worried about his friend because he didn't pick up, and soon went over to check on him. Having a spare key for emergencies to his apartment, he locked himself inside.

When he found his best friend dead on the floor, he called the medics, knowing it was too late. He was already gone; there was nothing he could do.

It was then he saw the letter for Stella and sighed, before calling her to give her the grave news.

* * *

The phone dropped to the floor, as she sank down, crying, shivering, devastated.

He was dead, her Mac was dead. He was forever gone. She would never see him again, never talk to him again, and never hear his joyful laughter.

It was then she realized Flack was still on the line and she picked up only to hear if she wanted him to read the letter Mac wrote for her, or if she wanted to read it herself when she came for his funeral.

She said she rather wanted it now and Flack started to read it out loud to her.

When he was done, she thanked him, asking him to let her know where and when the funeral was, Flack promised her would and hung up.

Again she started to cry, hardly, whispering. "I loved you too."

She really did, with all her heart, she was just like him afraid to say anything and now it was too late.

As she lay there on the floor, not caring about the other's around her, she closed her eyes and pictured him, her handsome Mac. Maybe he was now somewhere where he could watch over her for always, she really hoped so as it was easier to think about than that he was forever gone.

* * *

Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


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